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Wednesday, April 26, 2006 History will look back on the two Ullrichs' much like it does Elvis -- the young, skinny, doped-up Ullrich and the old, fat, doped-up Ullrich.
Kurt “Dog” may have been exposed to something far worse than any Gulf War biological warfare while working for a big corporate defense contractor in Kuwait about 10 years ago. “I saw your blog, and I have to admit that I was a frequent customer at the Hawally Bakery as it was close to the base living quarters. It had some of the best breads and cheese filled danishes, but now I’m not sure that was cheese. Thanks for sharing this info as it really made my day thinking about all the times I ate there back in 1995. Kurt”
Are those raisins in that dough? Monday, April 24, 2006
While Alejandro Valverde was grabbing the biggest win of his career, Alexandre Vinokourov showed everyone why it's such a huge mistake to allow that fat fuck Manolo Saiz to control your preparations for July.
From the look of it, old "Empanada-Breath" is right on target to screw poor Vino up with his patented, “Show & Blow" Tour de France Program.
Visualize the most disgusting restroom you’ve ever laid eyes on (if you need help, click here)... And then read this ... "The Kuwait Times reported in April that food inspectors shut down the Hawally bakery in Kuwait City after finding dough stored in a toilet. The owner explained he did it so that the humidity would keep it moist." I guess we now know where the phrase “pinching a loaf” comes from. Over on this side of the pond, Miss Kentucky was crowned Miss USA over the weekend by successfully convincing the judges that "she" was the most annoying, high-maintenance, twat in the country.
Aren’t you, like, soooo excited? Thursday, April 20, 2006
You also have to love when our beautiful Mistress Julie sends in a fresh batch of photos to work with.
Check out this gigantic, free supply of alcohol. Too bad it’s Methanol and requires a long cab ride from NASA. Wednesday, April 19, 2006
With an average gradient of 10%, tipping up to 19% in some sections, most people have trouble walking up it.
Next up, Liege-Bastogne-Liege and an all out war to grab the last of the Spring Classics. Speaking of war, do you think the Pentagon might be more successful in meeting enlistment goals if their recruiters looked like this girl?
Monday, April 17, 2006 Bejarne Riis must have ordered the team vet to up all the doses last week after such a slow start to the season.
Entering as the pre-race favorite, Quickstep just ended up with a bunch of Schleck all over their face.
I think we fucked up The Easter Bunny is one bad motherfucker, and he hates you. Why wouldn't it surprise me to find out that Erik B. is the guy in the rabbit suit? Thursday, April 13, 2006
That’s about as brutal as bike jousting? If the blunt trauma to the chest doesn’t kill you, the fall from those bikes will.
I see they’re still handing out stupid hats on Spanish podiums these days.
Speaking of The Podium, check out the new edition. Tuesday, April 11, 2006
If you haven't already noticed, Mistress Nikki has joined the RideTrash harem. Our new Damsel of Darkness hails from the Metal underworld and will periodically expose your pussy little ears to some loud, 180-proof aggression.
Horns Up! Do you support women’s “sufferage”? Monday, April 10, 2006
A lethal combination of Trek’s shitty over-priced, outsourced carbon-fiber, an earlier minor spill and subsequent retarded decision not to swap out the bike considering the tortuous terrain ahead brought doom for Hincapie. And then there was that little problem they have in France of not being able to delay a freight train so that it doesn’t interfere with one of the biggest bike races in the world. Seems to me if the no-fun-guys at the UCI are going to follow a “strict” interpretation of UCI rules, then Boonen should have also been DQ’ed.
Notice that the crossing gates were STILL down when he, Ballan and Flecha rode on. Thankfully, our favorite Belgian horse must not have had his usual “Breakfast of Champions” and, by 30k to go, it was obvious Boonen was never going to win the race.
Next up, the Amstel Gold race. A convoluted and circuitous event named after a beer that tastes like the sweat from a donkey’s balls – not that I would know what that tastes like - Vox told me. Thursday, April 6, 2006
Never say “If Dale Earnhardt was so good, how come he was only #3?” ... Don't point to a Rebel flag and ask “Is that what y’all got for finishing second in the Civil War?” ... Never ask an officer of the law if he’s Roscoe or Enos ... and never, never tell someone “I had the best BBQ while I was in Boston.” Wednesday, April 5, 2006
Boonen who? Next time you consider flying a low-fair airline, just remember my friend Martin just might be the one at the controls.
Mile-high cockpit And, if you're into cutting costs, check out the punk version of the BlueTooth cell phone.
Tuesday, April 4, 2006 Check out the new Mistress Julie rant - Hugh Hefner won’t know what hit him.
It seems Americans are using more and more fucking profanity these days and now there’s a fucking study to fucking prove it.
I could’ve fucking told you that shithead Speaking of profanity, I engaged in a few choice words when our trip to St. George was cancelled due to inclement weather and Lorita contracting some strain of the bubonic plague.
Next step, training wheels Monday, April 3, 2006
Tour de Flounder I'm really starting to believe that guy is retarded. Why was he not stuck on Boonen's wheel that late in the race, looking for the eminent move? Johan must think he's directing a Special Olympics team or something.
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Look at my nipples when I'm talking to you! |
