| Hey, Mr. Hummer H2 Driver |
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
These workspaces come complete with four walls, a desk, chair, filing cabinet, in/out box, phone, computer, graphs, glum-looking plastic figure and job title sticker that allows you to create a convoluted, utterly meaningless, position for your employee. One notable, and disappointing, omission from the set is the Red Swingline Stapler. Nothing sends the signal to upper management not to fuck with you better than this little desk accessory. "That's my stapler"
Monday, August 29, 2005
He mentioned something about getting a Brazilian, but I don’t know what that was all about. Brad B. and his lovely bride of 3 months finished 1st in the 2-person, mixed team category at the 24 Hours of Allamuchy last weekend. Despite pouring rain, a brutal rock-garden single track course and the fact that the race was held in New Jersey (just kidding guys), the happy couple are still married. Look what these two got instead of a gravy boat and toaster oven -- His and Hers, Phil Wood, Pissoffs.
Now THAT is a wedding gift! Friday, August 26, 2005
Time to get liquored and crash a Porsche OLN's coverage of the three-week Vuelta a Espana has been whittled down to a pathetic 30-minute recap show on September 18th. This is made worse if you factor in the flashy intro, sappy American rider profiles and handfull of Cialis commercials -- that’s only about 42 seconds per stage! Once again, those bobble-head hosers from the north are proving they are the “Only Lance Network”.
Does anyone else get the feeling we're about to return to the days of ABC and John Tesh's fucking synthesizer?  Thursday, August 25, 2005
In response to the "Supersize Me" documentary showing the dangers of consuming nothing but McDog-Food for a month, Raleigh, NC, white trash, mother of two, Merab Morgan, credits McDonald's "Sensible Edibles” for her 37 pound weight loss over the past 90 days.
Ms. Morgan cut her diet to 1,400 calories a day, opting for salads over french fries and Apple Dippers over apple pies. Of course, what this idiot doesn’t realize is that while her food court strategy could save her calories, it is loaded with unhealthy trans fats and totally lacks any nutritional value. She’ll die of a heart attack or scurvy within a year eating nothing but that crap. Wednesday, August 24, 2005 Yesterday, he openly called for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez and put himself on no better moral ground than the foreign extremists he claims superiority over.
Advocating Murder - How “ Christian” of You In his ramblings, he did make one good point -- if Bush & Company want to get rid of world leaders they don’t like, assassination is a whole lot cheaper than starting a $200 billion a year war with no end in sight. All this because Chavez will not allow the US to dominate Venezuela’s huge oil reserves. If more people rode bikes, we wouldn’t be talking about this shit. Tuesday, August 23, 2005
These urban commuters have a 100 mile range and can hit 50 MPH, not to mention they're a lot more manly than a Honda Insight. The ENV Bike runs on a hydrogen motor that is quieter than your computer’s hard drive and emits water as its exhaust. Another recent “alternative fuel” innovation is the Beer Belt. You can enjoy the freedom of holding a six-pack without using your hands.
Just imagine how much easier it's going to be mowing the lawn from now on. Sweet. Thursday, August 18, 2005
Does this bra make my boobs look big? It's obvious race officals at the Coppa Ugo Agostoni in Italy failed to have some sort a podium contigincy plan in the event Domina Vacanze rider, Leonardo Giordani, rode to victory.
Doesn't the winner stand on the top step? Tuesday, August 16, 2005 Nice to see you again Meilani Speaking of hotties, if there were more riders that looked more like Lynn Gaggioli and less like Ina Teutenberg, I think women’s cycling would finally hit the big time. Thanks PezCycling.com. Lynn Gaggioli Just when you thought the limits of customization had been reached -- crapmachine.com Check out the new edition of The Podium. Saturday, August 13, 2005
Those corporate whore, shitbag, sellouts are nothing more than posers dressed in Neo-1980s punker fashion, playing Post-Punk-Power-Pop crap for rich, suburban teenagers and generic 20-30-something, cube-farm professionals. See what happened when the term “Alternative” became too mainstream -- now everyone has to be “Punk”. Black Flag, GBH, The Dead Kennedys and the Dayglo Abortions are true punk bands. These guys smell, live in a van, eat dog food, don’t answer to anyone, get into real fights, sell tickets for $15 bucks and represent what “punk” is all about – rebellion. Specialized is hard at work on a technological revolution of sorts, developing the bikes of the future that Vox wouldn't be caught dead riding. This one, called Venom, has magnetic drive and suspension resulting in very few moving parts and little or no friction -- translation: you can go really fucking fast on it.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Spanish national team coach, Francisco Antequera, now thinks his man Miguel Angel Martín Perdiguero (who???) will be the one to beat Alasandro Petacchi (yeah, right). Apperently, Senoir Antequera was hammered on Sangria at the time of the interview.
Ole! Tuesday, August 9, 2005
Having your vinyl fetish dream interrupted by the pre-dawn sound of two huge, "earthquake-esque", sonic booms is no way to start the day.
Friday, August 5, 2005 Speaking of tattoos, the husband of a department director I knew was a former Navy guy who had “Welcome Aboard” tattooed in big letters across his lower abdomen. He showed it to everyone at our table at a company dinner one time – we were all busting up laughing and she was just dying.
Tattoo girls are hot! Wednesday, August 3, 2005
I responded to some message about STDs with “Everyone knows you don’t get herpes from masturbating -- you get it from Vox”. This morning, this was in my e-mail: "Look asshole, your mom doesn't seem to mind. So, let's get this straight, Vox has herpes, right? Well listne fuckstick, the only wuality pink flamin meat channel I've got laely has been miss Swill. If you know wha I mean. How's it feel knowing your head hit the same spots coming out of her disease ridden hole of fury as my head did going in. Besides, she told me she was trying to "soopress" it wiwth some type of miraglce I'm-a-fucking-dirty-whore drug. So no I'm unavailable to fuck your sister, or Ivan's sister's sweet, sweet ass 7 days every couple months. Why, Cause ol' MRS. Swill at 987 Fat hO Lane, takeitinswill'swueeras CA 92699 lied to me. Asshole."
Remind me to piss him off more often. Tuesday, August 2, 2005
It’s a little known fact that these, post-tour, races are actually “fixed”. Big name stars are paid to start and the winner is predetermined -- just like pro wrestling. Last week, a criterium in Prague failed to come up with the rider’s money an hour before start time, so guys such as Ullrich, Hincapie and Simoni just didn’t race. Unreal. Monday, August 1, 2005 This morning, the entire side of the building was tagged by some stupid, fucking gang banger and I had to laugh. Not only is tagging no different, or any more sophisticated, than a dog pissing on everything to mark his territory, but who the fuck would want to “claim” that piece of shit?
Tacos for brains |
