| Hey, Mr. Hummer H2 Driver |
Wednesday, August 30, 2006 With all the precision of a lazer guided missle, the drill bit found its way directly into his "anal cavity”.
Now that this dude's been "drilled" by a guy in a tool belt, does that make him gay? Sorry ladies, America’s "most eligible guy with 70 wives and a couple hundred children" is offically off-the-market.
Police nabbed this Mormon version of Wilt Chamberlin yesterday outside Las Vegas, and the only wives he'll be enjoying for a while will be named "Bubba". Speaking of wives (and girlfriends) ... lock up your men and your liquor cabinet because Mistress Julie is comming to town this weekend! Check out her new blog and September 2006 Calendar.
Monday, August 28, 2006 Except John, he is fit and he kicks our ass. Rather than do the normal group ride and deal with all those yahoos up from L.A., I decided to explore an inland area I’ve never ridden before.
Climb up to Rose Valley 80 miles and 8,000 feet of climbing later, I was tired, hungry and had a shit-eatin’ grin on my face. RideTrash Legal Council Jeff is out in ASS-pen this week for a little mountain biking and some quality time AWAY from the wife.
I wonder if he’s met this guy yet? “This morning I rode from downtown Aspen to the top of Castle Creek, down Castle Creek to the base of Maroon Creek, to top of Maroon Creek and back. 45 miles, 5,000 feet of climbing and temps that ranged from a high of 62 at the end of the ride to a chilly 39 at the 10,000 foot level at the top of Maroon Creek. Brrrrrrr! Forecast tonight calls for snow above 11,000 feet so maybe Independence Pass (elevation 12,095) isn't such a good idea for tomorrow.” Friday, August 25, 2006
Finally, a new Restroom Report. And if that is too much for you to handle, you may not want to order any of these fine desserts for your next dinner party.
Let’s face it, a lot of you secretly like Michael Bolton, and we hate you for that. It’s time to redeem yourself and get your hardcore on with Mistress Nikki.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Gilla is a bitch ... a SteelBitch to be exact. And yes, “steel is real” – real heavy when the intention is to ride fast and there’s gravity involved.
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the old school feel of steel frames - I’m just not going to be lugging a 4.5 lb. frame up the local 4,000ft climb any time soon. Tuesday, August 22, 2006
No Curried Elephant Ball Soup for you! Can you tell Mistress Nikki is just a little fired up about the release of the new Lamb of God CD? “YAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY ... Lamb of Fucking God is out ... I’m so stoked ... Going to be late for work rockin’ my ass off over here! I’m sure my Mormon neighbors are puking, or praying for my evil soul by now, and its not even 8;45 am.”
Yes, she can out drink me Speaking of booze, once you get Dan-O, our favorite beer drinking Aussie, over at Shifter Bikes to actually put down his pint long enough to pick up a tool, the bloke does some pretty amazing work.
Sweet, clean fixie Monday, August 21, 2006 Some of his goals for the the next 12 months include actually sweating beer and becoming even more repulsive to hot women ... if that’s possible.
Rock on my “brother-from-another-mother”! Sad but true ... big scary black dudes driving in the hood with duffle bags full of crack and 9mm handguns aren’t the only ones “riding dirty” these days.
Did somebody say crack? Friday, August 18, 2006 Transsexual, Michelle Dumaresq (the one on the right if you couldn't tell), won her third Canadian national women’s downhill title this year.
Whether you think it’s fair or not, current rules allow Dumaresq to race. That didn’t stop 2nd place finisher, Danika Schroeter, from being a white trash cuntface by wearing a “100% Pure Woman Champ 2006” shirt on the podium and making rude comments to Dumaresq. As a result, the word “suspension” doesn’t just apply to Schoeter's bike right now.
Over in the land of windmills and wooden shoes, riders were having to crank out 300 watts just to go 12.5 mph into a nasty Dutch headwind. My man Brian nearly spilled his beer to get this picture of Tom Boonan at the Eneco Tour.
Race leader Boo-hoo-nan Check out Big Jonny’s hospital bed interview on the local news. And, here’s a little something to expand your winter training program.
Say hello to Noemie Monday, August 14, 2006
Thanks to RideTrash legal council Jeff and Christine (Raiders Suck) for hosting a great dinner party for the Cielo Velo crew. The damage report was as follows: "We went through 12 bottles of wine, 6 bottles of Chimay and a bit less than half a case of other beer. Once again, come recycling day, our neighbors will think that we’re actually running a speakeasy.
The only foreign object we noticed this morning after the festivities was a nice pair of sunglasses. Maybe it’s a sign we’re getting older, but in the past we would have expected to find a few open bottles of booze, a hash pipe and at least one pair of panties."
That's because MJ goes Commando dude Sunday, August 13, 2006
This clip of Lance and Matthew McConaughey certainly don't help his cause either. For the past several weeks, Ivanski has been kicking our asses on the Saturday group ride - says it's because he's been riding to work. He failed to mention the "being chased by the fuzz" part of his training. Tuesday, August 8, 2006
Here's to a speedy recovery! In case you haven't heard, Big Jonny over at Drunkcyclist.com was hit by a car on his way back from a Saturday group ride and is in the hospital with multiple lumbar fractures and severe case of road rash. Friends say Jon is currently on good meds, in good spirits and is expected to make a full recovery. May your oxycontin induced haze make all your nurses look this hot ...
Ride safe out there. Monday, August 7, 2006
Sounds like just the latest tactic to “create an uncertainty of supply" so that BP and the boys can exceed last year’s record profits. Yet another reason why we need to ditch this fucking dinosaur juice and transition to more modern energy resources. By the way, get yourself a Terra Pass. Wednesday, August 2, 2006 And, I don’t know about you, but I was completely blindsided by this one ...
Sorry girls, I'm sure it's just a matter of time before the other four fairies of NSYNC follow suit. Not that there's anything wrong with that. One of my good friends is gay ... he just doesn't know it yet. I just can't imagine not being turned on by this. |
Look at my nipples when I'm talking to you! |
