| Hey, Mr. Hummer H2 Driver |
Monday, January 30, 2006 “I don’t usually like to pick nits with you, but the technical term that one sees on most of the fat blocking pharmaceutical products or their consumer equivalents (e.g. olestra potato chips) is not “loose stools” but the far more charming and marketing-unfriendly “anal leakage.” “We live in a country with enough dumb-fucks that if someone buys a package of Lays with a note on the side warning about “loose stools”, they think it has something to do with a chair leg that’s not properly affixed. "Anal leakage" sets ‘em straight.”
Uhhhh ... did you say something Jeff? Wednesday, January 25, 2006
The users of this little, purple pharmaceutical can expect to shell out $12 to $25 per week for the joy of losing only 5 to 6 pounds in a 6-month period. Here's a more effective over-the-counter method for weight loss that doesn't involve loose stools and/or diarrhea.
Speaking of fat ... Yo mama so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, and says "okay!" And don’t forget the "Yo mama so ugly jokes" like, Yo mama so ugly, they push her face into the dough to make gorilla cookies. Ok, I'll stop now. Happy birthday to Christine, a.k.a., the Damsel of Dissection, who has been working her ass off putting the finishing touches on a PhD in Neurobiology and Anatomy.
She's a smart girl who rides Cyclocross and knows a thing or two about using sharp instruments. I wonder if she’s ever accidentally dissected anyone in her sleep.
Nice Levator labii superioris alaeque nasi! Monday, January 23, 2006
At that time, the book was ranked 250,000th on Amazon.com. It is now ranked 30th. Not even Oprah and her fucking, “House-Frau”, book club have that kind of power. Just think, if that cave-dwelling towelhead would just get over his religious fanaticism, the dude could become insanely rich signing endorsement deals with corporate America. Word of the Day: "Mammiferious"
Quote of the Week: "I’m so out of shape, I ride like you fuck ... hard for of few minutes ... then I'm done" - Luby Thursday, January 19, 2006 Sure makes you glad you're not a guy with no penis ...
Tuesday, January 17, 2006 Check out Wendy hanging with Chris Horner out at Cyclocross Nationals.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Luckily, this newly pledged devotion to exercise and sweat only lasts a few weeks, or until tendonitis sets in, which ever comes first. Ian says he’s “in-shape” and that shape is “round.”
Hey, that's not nice I’ve discovered that 30% humidity is a "danger zone of discomfort" for me while cycling. This threshold-of-nature causes just the right (or wrong for that matter) combination of enough moisture to cause tackiness to the skin, but not enough to lubricate, resulting in the left side of my scrotum sticking to my inner-upper thigh for the better part of 40 miles last Sunday. No matter how much I tugged or pulled, my undercarriage would not stop adhering to my leg. Better invest in some of this next time ...
Can you say Ball Butter? Friday, January 13, 2006
Well, the forecast is calling for heavy rain and generally crappy weather in these parts tomorrow and maybe into Sunday. So you know what that means - ride the trainer, watch football and eat too much.
Maybe PsychoCross Art can stay out of trouble with “the law” this weekend. Of course, that's asking a lot from a guy like him. Is this what they mean by "3-D" ...
Tuesday, January 10, 2006 Captain Dave, on the other hand, has been dedicated and focused, logging big time on the trainer in between week-long PBR blackout binges. Nice Shirt Last weekend, poor Skibby had to put on every piece of warm technical clothing he owns in order to safely venture out on a “nice day” in Minnesota. Two thousand miles away, I got a little sunburn and had to zip down my jersey during a couple of sunny, 70 degree days in Southern California. Some people have some interesting secrets out there.
In an attempt to ride the popularity of the Atkins diet and to convey a slightly more healthful image, pork rinds are now being called "Bacon Chips." This is the only image I come up with when I hear that name ...
CHiP Pig Wednesday, January 4, 2006 Maybe Tom Delay can give us that answer in a few months. I heard the new “I’m Full” Taco Bell Value Menu ad, and couldn’t help but imagine one of those famous foreign language translation screw-ups that sometimes happen.
Somehow, I doubt a phrase like “El estómago está como un scrodum hinchado de toro” or “My stomach is like a bloated bull scrodum” would go over well. I’m sure Christian Leask will have something to say about my attempt at Spanish. Yesterday, I was reminded by Thomas that Marco Pantani was the last guy to win the TDF not named Lance. Holy shit that’s some retro ancient history.
I’m looking forward to the wide-open cluster fuck that will take place this July. I offered to bet Captain Dave at Evil a case of Guinness for a case of PBR that Basso beats his boy Jan Ullrich. I haven’t heard back from him yet. Check out the latest rant from Mistress Julie and make that you adhere to strict porn star grooming techniques.
RideTrash Fan Monday, January 2, 2006
Just a hunch, but I bet more than a few of you have included cutting back on this on your list of resolutions for next year ...
I'll give you until this weekend before that one is broken. |
Look at my nipples when I'm talking to you! |
