Tuesday, January 30, 2007
So 2007 brings us pregnancy test sponsors and now baby clothes ... when did 18-25 year old women become the pro cycling demographic?

Rob in Queens votes for "Worst kit ever!"

Monday, January 29, 2007
Amazing. Somehow The Lion of Flanders was able to race "clean" during the mid-to-late nineties when everyone else was wildly juicing up ...

because he says he only kinda-sorta doped at the end of his career.

And can you believe Mr. “I’ll retire if they require a DNA sample” Bettini being disappointed in Museeuw?

Now there’s the pot calling the kettle black.

Check out OldSchoolCycling.com for more cynical commentary on the world of professional cycling ... only without the beer and the boobs.

Also, Mistress Nikki is back in the saddle.

Thursday, January 25, 2007
With an application process even more demanding than Harvard medical school, Mistress Julie is carefully screening potential Long Distance Relationship candidates. Like this one ...

“Dear Mistress Julie,
I would like to formally submit my personality profile for review in regards to the open position of LDR.

I have bikes. I can cook better than most. I am good in bed.

Thank you,
Dave Gove”

To which our favorite BRILF responded ...

”Dear Mr. Gove,
We have received your application and need more detailed information. Please list exactly how you are good in bed and we will consider your application further.

Thank you for your time,
Mistress Julie's Screening Group”

And his reply ...

”To whom it may concern,
Thank you for responding to my personality profile submission. In response to your inquiry for further details please find the following skill summary for Dave Gove;

A) Above average skill in M2F oral stimulation with emphasis on enthusiasm and multiple orgasm*
B) Ability to "hold back" ejaculation until all parties receive mutually beneficial climax.
C) Technical knowledge of various choke holds and non-threatening binds.

*Individual results may vary.
References available upon request."

Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Jeff just sent me this link titled “Lance before performance enhancing drugs”.

I was convinced I'd be opening up a close up shot of a hairy, "two ball" scrotum. Thankfully it was only a clip of some super homosexual-looking triathletes from the 1980's.

Monday, January 22, 2007
So now we find out that Oscar Pereiro is one of the amazingly high percentage of professional cyclists who have a “medical excuse” to use Salbutamol.

Sure, being genetically predisposed to asthma does put a rider at a physiological disadvantage, but so does having a lower lactate threshold.

Shit, anyone can find a doctor to give them the diagnosis they want ...just ask those fuckers who get handicap plates, pull their Hummers into to a reserved parking spot and then “run” into the store.

If you can’t race without using an otherwise banned medication, you need to abandon. It’s no different than a rider who DNF’s due to the flu, injury or a fucking bee sting.

Just ask Jonathan Vaughters

Friday, January 19, 2007
Attention all you guys with a job and who don’t live with your mothers!

Mistress Julie is now taking applications for long distance relationships. Check out the details and her new blog here.

Too bad for Skibby she doesn’t like arctic-temperature-induced nipples and has made habitation in a warm climate one of the requirements.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Wow, Russian doctors conducted an 11-hour operation to replace a patient’s deformed penis with one grown on his forearm.

Apparently, the man had birth defect that caused his penis two-and-a-half-inches long and crooked and he lacked a scrotum – sounds like Sly Fox.

I bet that operation cost an arm and a penis ... didn’t see that joke "cumming" did you?

Check out the new edition of The Podium.

Monday, January 15, 2007
Homeland Security Disclaimer: The following is political satire, albeit in questionable taste, and does not require a government agency to detain me without a warrant at Guantanamo.

"I have a dream ..." that this would happen.

Ever have one of those months at work were you swear your name is Scotty, the fucking Klingons are attacking and the captain wants phasor power in five minutes -- but you need ten.

Welcome to my world lately.

Go eat a Haggis out of your ass captain

Monday, January 8, 2007
Many of the world's religions incorporate the belief of reincarnation into their teachings.

While I'd rather suffer from poison oak on the scrotum than attend church, I'd be first in line to sign up for the one that assured me I’d come back as this RideTrash fan’s bike seat.

Cyclocross national championships were held across Europe last weekend and I have just one question for the Italians ... Does that outfit come in hetero?

First Miss USA was caught underage drinking and now Miss Nevada is in trouble ...

Although I’m not sure why since, judging from these photos, she seems to be setting a fine example on how all hot, young women should act.

You can all thank Jeff for these

Friday, January 5, 2007
As if low wages, lack of benefits and that stupid blue vest weren’t enough to demoralize it's white trash workforce, Walmart goes and pulls this shit.

Of course, if that's the only job you can get, you’re probably an unemployable retard ...

Speaking of unemployable retards, go to this website, enter SlyFox’s cell phone number ... 801.452.2617 ... and find out his exact GPS location. Amazing.

And did you hear? "Spanish Climber" Iban Mayo announced yesterday that he intends to bring his lack of results and high likelihood of a DNF to both the Giro and Tour this year. Aren't we lucky?

No mustard in this Mayo

Tuesday, January 2, 2007
Damn, 2007 is already here. It seems like yesterday everyone was freaking out about all the disastrous chaos Y2K would bring.

Of course, those people were ultimately right ... but instead of January 1, 2000, "doomsday" turned out to be November 4th.

The Mulholland Massacre was awesome and didn't disappoint, dishing out 70 miles, 7,000ft of climbing, perfect weather, tired legs and some tasty post-ride fish tacos!!!

Unlike this kind of fish taco.

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