Thursday, June 30, 2005
Generally, it's a good idea to avoid using a porta-potty in high winds.
And, you certainly don't want to play a pick-up game of basketball with this guy. Wednesday, June 29, 2005
It also means time for that big race over in France and RAGBRAI – the Register's Annual Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa – an 8-day event that meanders it’s way through tranquil farming communities and leaves a 485 mile path of vomit, urine and feces of pork grease, corn & beer. You can check out some of Team Evil’s past debauchery over at evilcycling.com. Everyone knows that when you eat spicy food, your face tends to break out in a pleasant sweat, even though the rest of your body stays relatively dry. Pookums reported that during a "Dresden-like" shitstorm the morning after eating a plate of hot wings, he noticed his ass was suddenly sweaty. Beads of sweat were actually trickling betwixt his crack. Interesting, but not to be confused with the moisture from "Ass Spreet", the very violent and fierce act of "pissing" out one’s ass – similar to the piss stream of a large hog, except brown and with small chunks. Is it lunchtime yet?
Hey, I think this midget wants to fight you Monday, June 27, 2005 The weekend before the Tour means a weekend full of National Championships. When all of the dust cleared we find out that ... Eric Zabel is beaten by an 18 year-old kid in the German Championships -- it won't be long before sprinters from the Special Olympics are pimping him at the line. Not a single recognizable name finished in the top 10 at the Italian National Championships. The French confirmed they suck and Pierreck Fedrigo made a lunging grab for Laurent Brochard “baguette.”
Alexandr Vinokourov’s sole motivation for winning the Kazakhstan Championship was to not have to wear that hot pink, Telecom jersey the rest of the year.
“Hello-‘Frisco” Kurt Dog’s going to be doing a bit of traveling this Summer with trips to Australia and CanCun, Mexico. It's good to see he still has his favorite socks to wear on the airplane.
No Mas Habaneros Thursday, June 23, 2005 “Mayo Without Pressure” “T-Mobile Announces Nine”
“Freire Surgery” ”French National TT Championships”
And from bangedup.com: “Human Turd Banned From Meetings” Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Personally, I think the manufacture missed the mark and should expand the line to include “Spray-On Feces” – same formula, just with a little “fragrance.” Imagine all the fun you'd have applying it to doorknobs, shopping cart handles, the elderly and Chinese food. Monday, June 20, 2005 The highlight of my trip was riding from Kanab, UT to Bryce Canyon. 80 miles of beautiful pasture land, red rock canyons and 4000 feet of climbing -- in 4 hours 28 minutes.
I ordered a few Polygamy Porters after that one. Bring some home for the wives One thing you notice riding through small towns in this region of southern Utah is that everyone's last name is Smith or Sorensen. Over in Glendale, UT, they were serving up some Rocky Mountain Oysters at the 6th Annual Testicle Festival. It seems everyone was having a ball. Speaking of potential gay-lifestyle references, what is up with the name of this motel in Baker, CA? Bun Boy welcomes you Sunday, June 19, 2005 Darth Tater I’m moving. Maybe to Holland. The beer's not so good and I can't understand a word they say, but ...
a Heineken just started to taste a little better all of a sudden. Sunday, June 12, 2005 TT World Champion Michael Rodgers tests out the “Jeff Spicoli's Van” helmet.
Speaking of time trails -- with the UCI‘s new TT helmet rule, why is it that some companies are able to come up with sleek, aerodynamic designs while others come up with this?
Looks like the gas tank off of a ’66 Indian motorcycle. I’ll be out of town for a few days so check out the new editions of the Restroom Report and The Sweet Stuff. Also, you can waste time in the archives in case you missed anything. Friday, June 10, 2005 The past couple of days at the Dauphine have seen Vino take Ventoux, Leipheimer take a spill, baby Merckx win a stage and a no-name Spanish dude from Euskaltel pulling on the leader’s jersey with a stunned look on his face.
As far as the crotch-rot goes, Miguel says to shave the undercarriage if your nut sack is swimming in ball juice. Hope that helps. Wednesday, June 8, 2005
U.S. customs agents confiscated the weapons, finger- printed him and let him into the United States. WTF? I wouldn’t have let him into this country if he was carrying a canadian bacon sandwich. The following day, a gruesome scene was discovered in Despres' hometown of Minto, New Brunswick: The decapitated body of a 74-year-old country musician named Frederick Fulton was found on Fulton's kitchen floor. His head was in a pillowcase under a kitchen table. His common-law wife was discovered stabbed to death in a bedroom. Luckily, they caught him the next day. So much for Homeland Security. Tuesday, June 7, 2005
Monday, June 6, 2005 It seems that big, dumb, Isidro Nozal was busted just before the Dauphine Libere prologue for having a 52% haematocrit. This is the second Liberty Seguros rider in a month that's been kicked out of a race because of an excessive haematocrit level – hummm. Even with all this “apparent” doping, Manolo Saniz’s guys still suck. And after all that, Americans riders took charge of the prologue, finishing 4 in the top 5 spots: 1. "Curious George" Hincapie
Floyd is cool, but Floyd's helmet is not
Check out this kickass Motorhead video before the host realizes it's eating up too much bandwidth: http://www.probotmusic.com/osycle/video.php Saturday, June 4, 2005 I guess that fat, fuck Manolo Sainz is going to have to scramble to get a new source of dope for his Liberty Seguros boys before July.
Last year at the Tour the term “Spanish Climber” meant you lost 20 minutes on the flat stages and got popped of the back on the first mountain stage – just ask Iban Mayo.
Back in March, Yardstick left this entry on the guest page of Bram De Groot's web site: "Naam: Yardstick Datum: 25-Mar-2005 22:23:43 Hey Bram. When are you going to kick Lance's ass in the Tour? I think he's vulnerable in the mountains. This could be your year! BTW, you never got back to me regarding your sister." I think he sparked something because it seems the Rabobank people have come up with a detailed plan on how Bram can beat Lance. Friday, June 3, 2005 Speaking of urine, there was a mail-order kit that enabled you to beat a drug test called “Urine-Ployed”. Sorry Dave, but I can’t seem to find their link on Google. Of course, these guys take things to a whole new level. Going over my wish list, it seems that I’m either going to have to win the lottery, sell drugs or live out of a VW Bus in order to afford a set of these sweet babies. Oh well ...
... I can always make that deal with El Diablo. Wednesday, June 1, 2005 Check out the new edition of The Podium. Then check out urbandictionary.com and get yourself hip to the lingo, such as: Butter Face: A girl who is hot, except for her (but her) face.
Definition of "Butter Face" Moped: A girl who is not very attractive and/or a little weird, but you would have sex with, as in "She's fun to ride, but you don't want any of your friends to see you on her".
Moped Girl Corn Shark: Use your imagination. |
