Monday, March 31, 2008
Normally, being off the bike for a week would be a bad thing.

Lucky for me, Shells has been helpful with a different kind of riding ... 4 down and 16 to go as of last night with more "homework" scheduled.

A Mistress Julie "Muddy" Shot

Speaking of the Mistress, check out the April 2008 RideTrash Calendar ...

Tuesday, March 25, 2008
While Fabian Cancellara was sticking it to the Italians at M-S-R, Shells was busy collecting canyoneering bruises and having ink injected into the subdermal layers of her skin for the first time.

Check out the tattoo process

And just when you thought all that was painfull ... she has an appointment for a Brazillian waxing today.

Sponge Bob Death Metal Pants = another reason why it is wise idea for me to get snipped

Wednesday, March 19, 2008
In cycling news, Cipollini switches assholes -- specifically, Michael Ball for Olof Tinkoff – but still ends up getting fucked.

And while we're on the subject of the f-word, fuck CyclingNews for even acknowledging the very existence of this piece-of-shit's bike just as procycling is attempting to clean up at least its image.

The "Liar" of Flanders is more like it

Tuesday, March 18, 2008
As of next week, there will no longer be any lingering treat to society that I might actually reproduce ... i.e. I’ll be allowing some old guy fondle my coin purse and snip the spaghetti.

From what I'm told, the post procedure ice packs on the nads give new meaning to the term blue balls.

After a few days, Shells and I can get super busy producing the 20 money shots required before they test the 21st sample for blanks.

I told the doctor to expect me back in about a week.

Thursday, March 13, 2008
One thing is certain, if you cruise this bike down a rural road, no skin-tight Wrangler jean wearing redneck driving a phallus-compensating Ford F-150 will ever be in a position to call YOU a fag.

Can you say, “Cut the Cheese”, “Pinch a Loaf”, “Pull my Finger” and “Drop the Kids Off at the Pool”?

Looks like Cadel Evens can pronounce Mont Ventoux.

And though it may be normal for Vanilla 25 Cent to finish an entire magazine while sitting on the porcelain oyster, this woman would need a newsstand.

I don't know about your weekend, but I had the pleasure of hanging out with Telly Savalas and Yul Brenner, otherwise known as Mistress Julie's fun bags.

Thursday, March 6, 2008
Say goodbye to comfort and safety and say hello to the 7lb. bike.

Speaking of safety, first hand damage reports from Texas Joe and photos like this sure make me want to run out and buy a pair of carbon spoke Mavic R-Sys wheels ... Not!

Stainless is painless

Check out the tracks, including "Ride Smash", from my man Ben Swiller (no relation) in the KCMO.

Monday, March 3, 2008
So I guess the main question here is "how many shots of Absinthe does it take before Marilyn Manson starts to look like Mary-Kate Olsen?"

Followed by, "what happens if Marilyn Manson gets the sudden urge to play this game in Lance's boxer shorts?"

Check out the March 2008 RideTrash Calendar staring the lovely Miss Jaxs, a.k.a. Metal Kitty.

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