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Wednesday, November 29, 2006
And yes, that tune will be stuck in your head longer than the image of Evil Dave’s sweaty ass crack. Since the Network executives have traditionally kept their programming white bread during the holiday season ... it's time to get a little multi-cultural on your ass with “A Charlie Brown Kwanza”.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
As usual, Grandma’s house served as home base for our expeditionary strikes into the southern badlands and every meal was the size of a Thanksgiving feast, only Thursday’s dinner just happened to involve some turkey.
In addition to the amazing outdoor excursions, we had our typical brushes with the local Mormons. Like when the local grocery store manager asked us if we'd like a free calendar. A-Train said sure, “If it’s free, it’s for me.” I looked down, saw it had classic cars on it and proceeded to ask her if they had any ones with swimsuit models?
The lady was not impressed and asked me “Do you know where you are?” And to top it all off, I don’t think they cared much for our bumper sticker ...
The Ford Exploder we rented came equipped with Sirius satellite radio and PsychoCross Art and I kept that motherfucker locked on the "HardAttack" channel the whole time. Amazingly, Nai was still able to take a nap.
Sweet Satanic Dreams On Thursday, we attempted to conquer Butterfly Canyon located on the Navajo Reservation near Page, AZ. Butterfly sounds so nice and safe but the opening to this thing was a huge 160-foot drop off, straight down.
After looking in to the slot, it was obvious there had been a problem with the original translation from Navajo to English. It was much more like Mothra than a Butterfly.
Lacking the appropriate length rope, this canyon had to be saved for another day. What this trip lacked in big rappels, it made up in more technical skills.
We did two rope accents using Petzel ascenders, an etrier and a lot of hard work in order to access an area of amazing “Toadstools” and the beautiful Bull Valley slot canyon.
A-Train has some more great photos from the trip posted here at Artoconnor.com. Thanks to Lorita, PsychoCross Art, Nai, Scumbag (a.k.a. the invertebrate) and Kurt Dog for making it a Thanksgiving to remember. Monday, November 20, 2006 Of course, no trip to southern Utah is complete without the customary stop at the Arizona border liquor store to load up on contraband.
Besides, I need to get away from all this Bruyneel, Basso, DNA testing bullshit because this whole situation is smelling worse than a communal butt plug right now. And speaking of ass-related stuff - First it was just the Carnival Cruise ads featuring Kathy Lee Gifford that gave you uncontrollable diarrhea ... now it's the ships.
"If they could see me now" Friday, November 17, 2006
I guess when you have no girlfriend and no life (sounds like a few cyclists I know), standing out in the cold for three days to buy a gaming system at 12:01am just seems normal. Here's something Rob in Queens would spend $600 on ... and the PS3 crowd would think he was a loser.
I'm A Fucking Idiot! Check out Mistress Nikki's new blog about drugs ... the prescribed kind. Thursday, November 16, 2006
If you insist on looking like Devine or Tim Curry as Frank-N-Furter at the next event, I'd suggest riding one of these to complete the package. Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Go take your fluke podium finish and your temper tantrum to the Giro or the Vuelta. Really, who cares “who won” this year? Speaking of 5 year-olds, check out the newest piece of art hanging up at Casa Swill thanks to my niece.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Thanks to Julie co-conspiring with us, we surprised the shit out of Art who had no idea we were coming. It was cool to show up and support a good friend as he attempted to defend his title as state champion.
The race course was awesome and Julie cheered riders on in her signature black leather chaps and a bull whip. In the end, Art went deep into the pain cave (and, as he put it, lost his flashlight) for a hard fought 5th place. Check out Mistress Julie in action ... not "that" kind of action you perverts. Although, watching Rockstar settle up the bar tab with her was quite an interesting sight.
On the gastronomy front, it was a weekend of tapas, sushi, martini bars, a ghetto-lishous taco dive and world famous Julie breakfasts. "Hell Yeah!" The flight back was a disaster thanks to United Airlines. A missed connection, rude customer service agents and lost baggage made for quite the unpleasant evening. As of 8pm Monday, we still don’t have our luggage and all I can say is that those fuckers better not lose my “I Love Mormon Pussy” sticker, damn it.
Wednesday, November 8, 2006
Not that I hold too much blind optimism about the incoming clowns, but today feels like the first breath of fresh air after being locked in the restroom at a chili cook-off.
If only things were moving in the right direction on the anti-doping front. Disco signs Basso - but never fear, this is how it will play-out in the coming months: Bruyneel will make him submit a DNA sample to clear any suspicions in connection with Operation Puerto. His DNA will match the samples in Spain and Lance will have to suck his own arrogant cock.
Everyday, I hate pro cycling more and more. Monday, November 6, 2006
Meth-odist If you reside in a district where a senate or congressional seat up for grabs, make sure to get your butt out there and vote. Just don’t vote for anyone with an (R) next to their name - unless you really want to "stay the course" of corruption, fear mongering, global warming and corporate profiteering.
Can you say "oversight committees"? Friday, November 3, 2006 Phil's the one already passed out in the chair and spilling his beer with 60k still left in the race.
Even our DJ stalking Mistress Julie loves Black Flag ... at least the Henry Rollins' chiseled jaw and gym-sculpted butt part. Wednesday, November 1, 2006 Fuck the whole fucking mess. Maybe if I just stare at big, huge, milk-covered boobs for a while, it’ll all go away.
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Look at my nipples when I'm talking to you! |
