Thursday, September 28, 2006
Not only does October bring us crisp Fall air, cyclocross and beer dispensed out of the penis of a German mannequin ...

It also means a brand new blog and calendar from the one-and-only Mistress Julie.

It's 'Cross time Baby!

Monday, September 25, 2006
Hello Frisco ... Bettini wins and then it looked like he, Zabel and Valverde were doing a photo shoot for OUT Magazine on the podium. I guess that’s why it’s a rainbow jersey.

Maybe those shithead hicks in their big Ford trucks have a point.

In case you had any suspicions about doping ... the average speed on this abnormally hilly course was 42.476kph, the fourth-fastest world championships ever ... hummm.

For some unknown reason Texas Joe headed north out of hell to visit hell’s latrine – Tulsa, Okla-homo. At least he found the cycling-themed SoundPony Lounge.

Check it out next time you have the misfortune to end up in Tulsa.

Friday, September 22, 2006
I’ll bet an ice cold 6-pack on Bettini for the World Championships in Salzburg this weekend – cause he’s faster than this thing ...

“El Grillo”

Looks like the bookmakers have my back on this one too with 6:1 odds.

Schumacher and Valverde will be there in the mix but the course is too hilly for Boonen and Vino “should” be too exhausted having just won the Vuelta and placing 3rd in the time trial to do much.

Thursday, September 21, 2006
Riis got his boy “all tuned up” and Cancellara ripped the field a 90 second new one, taking the World Time Trial Championship.

Forget all this aero bike shit, time trials should be raced on standard on road bikes.

Think about it ... eliminate the tech advantage high budget teams have, remove the specialized position and handling skills needed and just encourage hard, fast riding.

These guys have the right idea with their "Eddy Merckx Category” (no aero equipment, i.e. frame, bars and 32 round spokes), although they may be taking it a little too far insisting on the retro wheels.

Around here, most folks ride what Patron calls “boutique” wheels (Easton, American Classic, Ksyrium, etc.)...

... so getting a hold of a decent pair of 32’s is harder than you think.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Looks like somebody has the right idea here. Just wait till gas hits $5.00 a gallon and this setup becomes a reality.

The "Car" Lane

Mistress Nikki hit the Gigantour in Vegas last week. This time she avoided bodily injury at the House of Blues and almost managed to earn a couple hundred bucks from an international tourist.

RideTrash Girl, Mistress Julie, will be out at Interbike next week “working” the Reynolds booth in all her glory.

Make sure to stop by and grab her ass for me since I'll be stuck down in San Diego doing job stuff.

And if you see this guy at the Double Down Saloon or the The Sock Guy booth, lightly fondle his sweet nutsack and tell'm Swill says "Hi" ...

... then place a big order for "Evil" socks.

Monday, September 18, 2006
How the Vuelta was won.

Vino stuggles near the top for the first 14 days, then he (and Kashechkin) visits Dr. Magic's Minivan, skips out on a doping control and dominates the last week of the Vuelta with a capital "D".

I’m just waiting for all the urine samples they did get from him to be tested.

While Pope Benidict pissing off well-armed followers of Islam may not be funny, this is ...

A drunken man staggers into a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally the drunk replies, "No use knockin' mate - there's no paper in this one either"

Wednesday, September 13, 2006
After David Millar’s time trial victory at the Vuelta, people keep saying “See, you CAN win clean.”

I hate to piss on everyone’s Prozac moment, but with all the recent doping scandals, the best anyone can safely say these days is “See, you can win testing non positive.”

Tuesday, September 12, 2006
He may be dumber than a bag of hammers and look like he should have competed in the Special Olympics, but Frankie Andreu had enough balls to fit yet another piece into the “LancE-P-O” puzzle.

Heras, Landis, Hamilton, a 1999 positive sample, shit. Just keep it coming ...

And to all the retard bungholes over at Velo News Forum who still think Lance and Landis rode clean, fuck you!

Monday, September 11, 2006
If you think women who ride track are all just transgendered mutants like Tammy Thomas ... think again.

Vera Carrera is "knocking out" Texas Joe "with those Eye-talian thighs" and there's no question what restroom line she gets into.

Why be suspicious? -- No, not about the government's role in 9/11 -- About Vinokourov and Kashechkin missing a doping control on Sunday.

Both are in the Top 5 of the overall classification entering the final week at the Tour of Spain.

Both are on the Astana team (formerly Liberty Saguros and ground zero to that whole Manolo Saiz/Operation Puerto thingy).

Both are Kazakhs on a team sponsored by the government of Kazakhstan, the former Soviet state, that “expects” big results from their investment.

And, their teammates, as well as the riders of the French team AG2R, were all still at the hotel when the inspectors arrived. Team personnel even refused efforts to get the two to return.

I say kick 'em out!

Wednesday, September 6, 2006
Tech tip: To ensure proper shifting and prevent excess wear, it's important to oil your drive train on a regular basis.

We recommend whatever she is using ...

For those of you who had trouble understanding the e-card for Dave, here’s the transcript:

“Ok ... As soon as Evil Dave is done playing Naked Luchador Twister and drinking Mojitos with Sovern in Spain, I’m going to bareback baboon that Jan Ullrich loving monkey fucker.”

Thanks again to Jeff and Christine for throwing yet another great BBQ last Sunday. Lorita and Mistress Julie did their part to add to the recycling pile.

Yardstick - a guy who claims to relate more to the "frog with the extra leg" story than this one - said he'd pay an extra $20 for the Fizik Aliante I’m selling if Mistress Juile sat on it.

Looks like I'll be collecting an extra "Jackson".

The MJ Sex face

Tuesday, September 5, 2006
Oppressive heat, relentless climbs and the occasional "bung hole twittle" from plain-clothes priests who mistake riders for choir boys ...

These are the hardships that make the Vuelta a' Espana the truly difficult and demanding race it is.

Check out all the fun you can have at EvilCycling Dave's expense with uncensored audio e-mail cards from Monk-E-Mail.

Friday, September 1, 2006
G-DUmB and CondaSleeza Lies were in SLC yesterday, so naturally, PsychoCross Art headed down to the protest to pick up on some hot liberal chicks who know how to use a razor.

I’m sure RideTrash.com has officially been added to some government agency's list of “Subversive Groups Against God-fearing Americans”.

It’s a little surprising that, even in one of the most conservative states in the country, more than 2,000 people took time out to let our illiterate, inarticulate leader know that MOST of us see through his corporate-profiteering war bullshit.

Over at the Vuelta ... Janez Brajkovic (who?) has taken the lead and pulled on a size extra, extra small Oro Jersey.

Where in the fuck do these nobodies come from? With the long history of Spanish doping and the recent Operation Puerto scandal, I just can’t get too excited about the Vuelta this year.

Sov over at EvilCycling.com has the right idea for a new official Vuelta a' Espana logo ...

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