Sprinting ahead of the pack ...

1. Paris Hilton (Vote or Preferably Die!)
With the ever important 2006 election just a couple weeks away, our favorite vodka and sperm filled hotel heiress has been noticeably absent from any voter recruitment efforts.

Back in 2004, no talent P. Ditty Combs organized a futile effort to get young, unmotivated Gen Y and black voters out to the polls, enlisting the help of the mentally deficient, worthless sack of shit, Paris Hilton, as well as some other celebrity retards.

Sporting a “Vote or Die!” t-shirt, Hilton told reporters how “like totally important this voting thing is”.

When asked by one of them why she herself was not registered to vote, she said “I don’t want to comment on that” and walked away.

We’re still waiting for you to die.

2. Tailgates Down (Increased MPG)
Even before gas prices hit record levels, rednecks everywhere were applying a sort of white trash physics to the belief that driving around with their tailgates down would increase fuel efficiency.

Sorry Billy Joe Jim Bob, it just ‘aint so.

On second thought, leave it down

Never fear, here is a proven gas saving tip for you ... ride a bike.

3.Department Stores (Xmas Already???)
Every year the holiday crap gets rolled out earlier and earlier as if extending the buying season will somehow equate into increased revenue.

Except for the truly retarded who wake up at 5am the day after Thanksgiving, head down to Walmart in order to save $50 and receive severe blunt force trauma from the opening stampede, they forget that most us wait to buy everything during the last week anyway.

The only Christmas decorations my Yule Log wants to see out on display this time of year are these ...

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