Sprinting ahead of the pack ...

The new pro cycling kits for 2006 are slowly making their debuts and, as usual, many of them are putting our visual thresholds to the test.

While the jury is still out on whether or not the Celeste Blue of the Liquigas-Bianchi strip is euro-chic or just fucking ugly and T-Mobile continues to lack any hint of masculinity, one thing if for sure, the following teams are the corn in this year's vomit:

1. Lampre (Lamp-gay)
Traditionally one of the more effeminate team kits in the pro peleton, the 2006 version takes the non-symmetrical alignment of pink and blue squares to a new level and gives F-350 driving rednecks even more reason to conclude that anyone riding a bike is homosexual.

To add insult to injury, Damiano Cuenego will look like a giant box of Good-N-Plenty as he’s having his ass handed to him by the big kids at the Giro d’Italia this year.

2. Saunier Duval (Golden Showers Anyone?)
Is that logo a bird or an aborted fetus? Mercatone Uno pulled off a yellow kit with some class in 2001 and 2002, but this ensemble just doesn’t cut the mustard (or the ketchup that’s spattered all over it.)

Gilberto Simoni and David “EPO” Millar deserve to be suited up looking like a couple of bitches R. Kelly just urinated on.

3.Milram (Go Speed Racer, Go.)
At first glance, it appears that team management was going for the "retarded-
kid-with-black-Underoos-pulled-up-over-
his-superhero-outfit" look.

On closer examination, it's obvious that this, Formula One inspired kit, was created to allow Eric Zabel (a.k.a. Roy from Siegfried & Roy) to pretend to be Michael Shumacher and put a little more gas on the old accelerator this year.

With so many teams sporting nearly identical blue and gray kits, at least these three teams will stand out for the TV cameras - just don’t expect much in the way of pro-replica sales.

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