Sprinting ahead of the pack ...

1. Basso & Ullrich (Operation Puerto Suspects)
Just submit a DNA sample you a-holes.

If the 99.9% accuracy of current testing technology is sufficient to make decisions on capital punishment cases, then I suspect it’s more than reliable enough to prove either guilt or innocence for these two clowns.

While Basso (did I mention his sister is hot) and his lawyer have been preparing a legal defense, Ullrich has taken the position that the UCI, his team and any law enforcement authorities have to “prove” him guilty.

I hate to break it to you dude, but you’re on the outside looking in and "unemployed" now.

2. Enterprise Car Rental (Sucks Ass)
It’s always been my experience that when you rent a car, you're given a vehicle with a full tank of gas, with the expectation that you’ll return it that way, or pay something like $85.00 per gallon.

Tell that to Enterprise Car Rental.

The last time I drove off their lot, I noticed my car only had a 1/4 tank of gas. Feeling a little screwed with gas prices being what they are these days, I turned back and asked them about it.

The response: “Well, that’s what we do ... Just bring it back quarter-full”.

Translation: “We're too fucking lazy to fill it up and you’re going to have to drive around a bad neighborhood looking for a gas station in within the hour.”

Now I know why I normally rent from Avis.

3.Al Troutpig (NHL Announcer and OLN Monkey)
Let’s just hope that while commentating his next NY Rangers game, a stray puck to the head sends him into a permanent vegetative coma.

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