Birthdays and Blogging He looked at me funny and said “NO WAY are you going to be 38! You can’t be any older than 33.” I thought he was yanking my chain so I played along. “What makes you say that?” I ask. “You don’t look 38 and you don’t act 38” he says. “Well, what is 38 supposed to act like?” I wonder. Without hesitation he says “Not like you.” Best conversation ever.
So RideTrash.com just turned two last week. My birthday is coming up so I started looking back on the two years of the site and the blogs. Oh yeah, and the photos for the MJ calendar. Blogs aren’t as easy to write as you might think. Not only that, but coming up with photos is equally as difficult. One photo in particular I was scolded for since there was no bicycle in it. That’s when I figured out you bike nerds are really weird.
Several alley cats and a couple of cyclocross seasons later, I really thought cross was my favorite thing to do on the bike. Wearing mud and wiping out is quite entertaining - especially when it’s someone else who is doing the crashing. At least that’s what I thought until I bought a mountain bike and holy crap I had no idea what I had been missing out on. Racing mountain bikes and ripping downhill has to be the best thing ever.
Me at the 5-Mile Pass Race You roadies out there have no idea what I’m talking about and should really give it a go. Fruita two weekends ago was more fun than should really be legal. I need to win the lottery so I can do stuff like that all the time. Two years of meeting people on bikes and through the blogs have made it possible for me to cross paths with some really great and interesting folks: *Thanks to the Cielo Velo boys in Santa Barbara for kicking my ass and to Jeff for always having a bike for me to ride. *Swill and Lorita for putting up with me, my stellar blogs and always having a place for me to stay. *Art O’Connor for suckering me into cyclocross races and now successfully suckering me into mountain bike races. (Hey, I may not win but I always show up!) *Christine for thousands of miles on the road bike and for her great friendship – and one fantastic crash together. (Webmaster’s note: Wasn’t it more like a two dominos tipping over at a red light?) *Reynolds Cycling for having me at Interbike and for getting me to the Tour of California. Damn those carbon wheels are great to ride on. *The Cutthroat Racing Team for the 24-hour race in Tucson, my great co-ed "Team SL,UT" and the 5-mile pass race. Thank you all for being supportive, having fun as the primary goal and always having that final lap beer waiting for me. Mmmmm. Beer. *Gove, Wheels, Joey and ChuckD for the fun in Fruita. The RV wouldn’t have been the same without you. *All the bike mechanics for fixing my broken or tweaked bike issues because without you, I’d never make it. Yeah. You know who you are.
*Allowing me to show up with my chaps and my whip at your races and letting me yell at you while I break the sound barrier. That is pure entertainment to me. And those of you who make a point to come say hello to me because you know me through this site, thank you for making yourself known to me. I hope I make your experience more fun. Here’s to the past two years and here’s to many many more. xoxoMenace To Society?
Being the owner of two nipples, I don’t see the big deal about them poking out. It’s not something I intentionally do but here in the great land of Zion where it’s been 5 degrees for some time, I’m sure my nipples have protruded due to the coldness and could have possibly cut glass and again I ask “Who gives a shit?” Women have nipples. It gets cold out and they stick out. So what?
Americans in general are way too uptight. Every time I go to Europe I see naked bodies in ads and no one is flipping out over it. I even enjoy going to a topless beach from time to time and the thing I notice while I’m there is there are a bunch of fifty year old women who are running around topless. It’s not like there are hundreds of hot chicks running around on the beach with their breasts bouncing around ... though you men wish that was the case.
While seeing nipples in America may be paving the pathway to hell, tell me why men have nipples? I think that’s the real question here. What is the purpose of them? Sure, embryos follow the “female pattern” in the womb until the Y chromosome kicks in but I think after all these years of men not using them, they shouldn’t have them anymore. There is a bar in Utah which seemingly has gone out on a limb and has this thing called “Stripperoke” where someone gets on stage and karaoke’s a song while some girl strips. This I have to see! I can’t think of a better way to spend a Saturday night. Maybe I need to quit wondering about all this stupid stuff and go ride my bike ... and the way the weather has been, that won’t be happening any time soon since it snowed another six inches.
Until it gets warm, I hope my nipples stay under control. Me And My Brilliant Ideas ...
My uncanny ability to stay away from bars and other social places here doesn’t help the situation much because it doesn’t really make me available for the asking. It’s really my own fault since I’ve always marched to the beat of my own drum but I’m completely fine with it so far and someone will appreciate that someday. After spending the last two weeks hibernating with my introvert self while doing my wicked vegetable juice cleanse, I went to the gym and had a revelation while I was spinning out base miles on the stationary bike: If I’m going to have a boyfriend the kind of relationship I want is a long distance one.
I told my friends about my brilliant idea and they all scoffed at it. “It will never work” or “Those relationships are always doomed.” Yeah. That could be but I haven’t had any luck in the city I live in so why not try a different approach? Here’s how I see it - anything is possible so why not? Here’s why a LDR would work:
And here’s why it wouldn’t:
Final tally? Pros outweigh the cons 7 to 4. Then it’s settled and looks like it’s a go. Now, how in the world do I find someone to date in another city? Match.com? Oh hell no. Myspace? Not there either ... Then I had another idea. How about this? Those of you who are interested in being my long distance boyfriend, send me your qualifications: ridetrashgirl@gmail.com. Make sure you have your personality profile in a nice bullet point format for easy reading and I’ll let you know if I’m interested or need more information.
My next appearance will be to race the 24 hours in the Old Pueblo in Tucson as Captain of "Team SL,UT" in February and working on getting to the first two stages of the Tour of California doing some marketing (still working on it!). Hopefully I’ll see some of you out and about! Cheers!
Bag This ... On my way home, however, I was informed that both my bags would be double screened ... which I thought nothing of since I had even fewer questionable “liquids” (lip gloss and mascara) on this leg of my trip than when I left. The security check person says to me “We need to go through this.” “Go ahead” I say. The woman starts removing everything in my purse and it’s at this moment I wish I had a giant vibrator in my purse just to make her feel uncomfortable. She removes almost everything and then pulls out my lip gloss which is about 2 ounces of liquid. “You can’t have this!” “But it’s less than three ounces,” I explain to her. “You don’t have it in a baggie.” “What the hell is a baggie?” I’m thinking to myself. “You have to have this in a baggie before you come through,” she says to me in a snotty tone. I told the woman I didn’t see any “baggies” and she then told me I couldn’t take it on the plane. It’s my favorite lip gloss and it wasn’t cheap (and I really don’t want to let her have it) but I looked at her and said “Then fucking throw it away.” And she did.
Then she gets a hold of my next bag which has my CD’s, my satellite radio and a couple of books in it and starts rifling through that. I’m going through my head thinking what I may have in there because I know I just drank the water I had in there before I went through security. She pulls out an 8 ounce bottle of water and says “You can’t have this either!” Again I say “Then fucking throw it away too.” I grab my stuff and off I go to sit for an hour to wait to leave. I call a friend of mine and as I’m talking, I remember I need to get out my satellite radio to charge it up for the plane ride. As I do this, I see another 8 ounce bottle of water in my bag. Now I’m pissed. I tell my friend I need to call them back and I hang up. I grab the bottle of water and go back to the same woman in the security line.
“Can I ask you a few questions please?” “Sure” she says. “I just came through here and you took away my lip gloss which was less than three ounces but you let me come through with an eight ounce bottle of water. Tell you what, I’ll trade you my bottle of water for my lip gloss you threw away. How does that sound?” Snidely she says to me “You can’t have that water either!” “I know I can’t but you let me through with eight ounces of liquid and I just want to trade down to get my two ounces of liquid back and then it’s a better situation don’t you think?” “You didn’t have your lip gloss in a baggie so you couldn’t take it with you on the plane!” I didn’t have my water in a baggie either. “So I’m to understand if I present my lip gloss to you in a baggie it makes it OK, but if you find it in my belongings, then it’s not. Right?” “Correct” she says. “That doesn’t make any logical sense. You keep the water. I just want my lip gloss.” “I’m sorry ma’am. I’m throwing away your water and you don’t get your stuff back. Sometimes stuff just gets through,” she says. “Holy shit. What is the point of you being here then?” as I turned around and walked away shaking my head.
Here’s how I see it: If I bring multiple things in my carry on baggage such as three waters, three lip glosses or three of anything, the people in security are only going to pull out one and be so pleased with themselves they won’t bother finding the others and I’ll still be OK. My biggest gripes about all this is that there is no consistency from airport to airport and that I will never be able to get around checking luggage again for as long as I live. I think I’m going to book my ticket to the Winter Music Conference in Miami right now only this time, I’m packing a big vibrator. Kisses!Men, You Have 30 Seconds ... I researched and researched some more and couldn’t find any studies that were actually done to prove this (shocker!) but the good news is that in the process of trying to find an answer to this question, I've discovered some things that I believe will help any man be more successful with women.
Warning!! What I'm about to share with you is my personal opinion based on my personal experiences. This is not the result of my 17 year exhaustive double-blind study involving the mating patterns of a million women. Don’t email me and saying "Yeah Julie you’re correct except for blah blah blah.” These are just my ideas and these concepts are generally true in most situations. I just happen to believe these are pretty accurate and will help you increase your success with women dramatically (if you understand it and use it). Julie’s Idea #1 - Women don't decide within the first 30 seconds of meeting a guy if she's going to sleep with him. Instead, women know within the first 30 seconds of meeting a guy if they're not going to sleep with him ... or if they're going to stay open to the idea long enough to get to know a man better and find out. Julie’s Idea #2 - I also think it is based on a man's body language and voice tone, and not on what he's actually saying (again, cheesy pick up lines) If you talk to women with confidence as opposed to being shy or timid, you’ll go farther…faster, but I don’t think you’ll be getting laid within the first minute. Sorry! Ready for my ideas on how you can do better?
Here it goes: 1. Learn more about how ATTRACTION works, and less about "pickup lines" and other techniques. Using lines will only make you seem cheesy. I can tell if someone is attracted to me pretty quickly. They should be able to tell if I’m attracted to them too. 2. Spend most of your time improving things like posture, eye contact, voice tone, and other body language. If you don’t look someone like me in the eyes, I’ll think you aren’t interested and you’ll be thrown in the NOT category instantly. Talk down to me or act cocky, again, you are done. 3. Remember that women aren't deciding "yes, I'm going to sleep with this guy" in the first 30 seconds, but they are deciding "No, I'm not" very quickly! So stop doing the things that put you into the "not" category and start doing the things that make women want to find out more about you and that create an attraction to you. 4. My favorite recommendation? Pay close attention to what successful guys you know are doing with women. Go watch them with your own eyes to see and learn. Try it. You can’t go wrong can you? 5. Lastly, it’s about timing. Move too quickly, you are through. Move too slowly and you’ve missed your chance. Timing is the key to moving things along once you get things going so this one is really important!! I hope this helps some of you out. Cross is kicking my ass but I’m still having a blast. Enjoy your Halloween! XOXO Smooth ... Like 60 Grit I say hello and ask him how we know each other. He says "I'd never forget you if we ever met." Horseshit, I think since I know we've met and that's the worst come on I've heard in awhile. "Yes. We've met before but I can't place you." I see his name and it sounds familiar but still nothing. Then I ask him what he does for work. "I coach triathletes." That wouldn't be it because I don't swim in public pools (remember my OCD blog?) Then it dawns on me. "Did you ever run?" As I said that he remembers who I am and says "I used to help coach marathon training." Oh my god I think to myself. I remember who this guy is. He was relentless in asking me out on dates and he creeped me out so I never went. Then he says to me "yeah. I remember asking you out but you would never go." Holy shit. He remembers THAT but not ME? See, I told you he was creepy. This is where it gets good. He looks right at my chest and says "So ... did you get some work done? You didn't look like THAT in training." Is this guy for real?
My reply was "Ummm ... yeah. I did." while I'm thinking any guy with a microscopic bit of game would say "hey. I haven't seen you in awhile ... You look great" or "Wow it's been a long time - you sure look different" ... Not. "Did you buy that rack?" And this guy wonders why he’s single? Then he says "So, are you married off yet?" as he eyeballs my left hand. "No." "Are you dating anyone?" Fucking smooth ... like sixty grit. "Yeah" I say and point to one of the bikes in the booth and finish it off with "My boyfriend is on two wheels and I ride him a lot." Seriously. Guys, do yourself a favor. Women don't take it as a compliment if you look at her chest and say that. If that's the best you can come up with, put a cork in it. I'd like to not have to be snotty and say something like that to this guy but he deserved it. Maybe tomorrow I'll have a normal conversation with some guy who actually can give a compliment.
Ciao
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